Holidays and mental illness

The holidays are here upon us. It is a time of cheer for many of us. But it can be a time of stress for those of us with mental illness. I thought I would offer some tips to get along with those with mental illness during the holiday season.

1) Don’t talk down to them. They have a brain disorder. They are not stupid. When they talk to you, reflect back what they are saying to you so they know you are listening. Do not tell them they are wrong in their perceptions. Just say back what they are saying. What emotions are they feeling. This can lead to greater communications.

2) If your loved one feels like staying in their room, then let them. Don’t force socialization on them. The relatives can pop their head in to say hi if they way. Don’t let any negative remarks be said. Just say hi, happy holidays. Go on. Don’t guilt or shame your relative into joining the festivities.

3) Winter is a regular season of depression for many because of less time of light in the northern hemisphere. Taking fish oil supplements with vitamin D can help some people. (I do not make any medical claims. Nor am I a Dr. This has helped me in many ways.) Get enough exercise may also help depression. There is medical research backing this up now that depression can be lessened by regular exercise.

4.) Try to keep things simple. After all, it is the reason for the season that is important, not the money spent. Do simple things together rather than worry about going to a lot of places with your mentally ill loved one. Stay at home more.

5.) Do something for someone less fortunate. If you can get your loved one to do so, find someone less fortunate and do some act of service for them. Even if it is buying a gift for the Angel Tree or serving food at the homeless shelter. When you look around you and see how blessed you are compared to others, it makes you feel better overall. Doing good is good medicine.

6.) Try to continue with all medicines during the holidays as this is a stressful time. It is not the time to try to cut dosages or try new ones unless it is necessary. Wait until the holidays are over for the new stuff.

Those are some tips. Hope they help.

I do want to plug a book I am reading called “I am not Sick! I do not need Help! By Dr Xavier Amador. It is excellent. I can not recommend it enough for anyone who has a loved one who is mentally ill and who is refusing treatment, or won’t take meds, etc.

This book describes a method of communication that will help you both with a win/win situation. I strongly suggest you get it as soon as possible. Our local NAMI Board is buying it for the library.

Have a great Thanksgiving. Remember, you can do it. One Day At A Time.

maryruth

 

Mental illness and humor

I was at a Toastmasters Conference a short time ago. It was for a Humorous Speech Contest. There was this contestant who made a speech about his mother was had a mental illness. The audience laughed through out the speech.

I was highly offended. I felt this speech was in bad taste and very inapproapriate for a Toastmasters Conference. I, for one, work very hard BREAKING the stigma of mental illness. This speech worked to build stigma against mental illness.

There is a very famous speaker named “BipolarBoy” http://www.bipolarboy.com/ who uses humor to teach about mental illness. He is mentally ill himself. It is totally appropriate for the mentally ill to make jokes about mental illness. Not for someone else at someone else’s expense.

If you hear someone telling jokes about the mentally ill, please stop them. Tell them how it spreads stigma that needs to be stopped. Mental illness affects almost every household in America in some way or another. Education is the first step in getting help. It is the first step in saving lives.

I love humor. I think it is a wonderful thing. The Bible says it “doeth good like a medicine”. But we shouldn’t poke fun at people who have problems. Not even to use that humor as a coping mechanism so we can handle the situation better ourselves.

I am sure this speaker used this humor as a coping mechanism in order to handle his mother’s mental illness. That is not always a good way. There are many ways to cope.

NAMI is a great organization for people with mental illness and for their families. There are chapters in each state. Check out www.nami.org for your local chapter. You can find help there in education and support.

Remember, recovery is possible. One day at a time.

Try it!

 

Back again

It has been quite a while since I posted. Life has been extremely busy. As you know, I started back to school. This past July I started working on my Masters degree at Capella University. I love it. I have really enjoyed all that I am learning on developmental theories and abnormal psychology. I have a long way to go before I finish, but I am determined to get there.

One thing I have learned is that the past I have survived through will make me a better counselor. It will give me more compassion for my fellow man. It will help me understand where others are. It will give me more insight into other’s pain.

I know my story of recovery has helped me help others in my 12 Step program. Now I can see more clearly how it will help others as I go into counseling. When you have walked through hell in life, you can help others walk through it also. Unto the other side of life.

My life is busier than ever. I am happier than ever. I am now a grandmother to a beautiful baby girl born this month on the 10th. I am happy about this. Mother and baby are doing well.

Several suicides have happened in my area lately. I live in a small mountain town of less than a 10,000 population. That is a sad thing to see when people kill themselves.

Please, people, if you or your loved ones are talking about suicide, don’t take it lightly. Get help. If you feel like life isn’t worth living, please talk to someone. Call the suicide crisis line. There are people who care. The suicide prevention hotline number is 1-800-273-8255. Call it! People are there who care. I care.

A man here down the street shot himself  in the chest yesterday. Fortunately, it didn’t kill him. Now he will get the help he needs. But it tore the family apart. At least he has a chance to get better. The family has a chance to heal. Suicide doesn’t give much a chance to heal. It always leave a gapping hole – forever. There may be some healing, but it leaves a legacy with some terrible results. Sometimes some people follow by committing suicide also.

Remember life can be good again. You can achieve happiness. Even in a world such as we live in right now. There is one who is waiting for you to turn to for help. Just look up.

Remember, one day at a time. You can do it.

Try it.

Confronting the Past

I read an email from this list I am on this week about a lady who wanted to confront her abuser. She had been told to keep quiet from her mother. No one wanted the dirty laundry aired. The lady wanted to move on in her recovery.

I told her she needed to say something so she could put the past to rest and stop being the victim. She could take her power back from her abuser. I had confronted my abuser and he denied what he had done was wrong. I found out family members knew and did nothing. That caused a lot of feelings in me that took a while to deal with.

Thanks to God and a great counselor I have moved past that. I have put my abuse in the past. I am no longer a victim.

I did contront my abuser. I told him it was wrong what he had done.

If you have an abuser in your life, if you are ready to move on to healing, you too can confront them.  Be sure you are in a safe place. Be sure there is no chance of violence. Do no accuse. Just say something like…” I remember you doing this ______. I felt ________. I am working on my recovery to get past the pain of what was done to me. I am no longer your victim.”

At all times, you need to make sure you are safe from further harm. Make sure you are not going to hurt yourself either by bringing up past memories. Be sure to talk to a counselor, pastor, or a close friend afterwards. Journaling will also help.

If you have been abused by someone, you can move past the pain that has given you. I know the devistation that leaves in your life. I lived it for many years. It almost destroyed me.

You can overcome it too, one day at a time through recovery. Life can be good again. I am living proof of it.

Try it.

An ending and a beginning

I finished my second semester of psychology classes this week. I was so glad. Taking 17 hours was a heavy load. I will not do that again. Today I filled out the application for Capella University where I will finish my Master’s degree online.

I am so excited. To finally be working on my dream of earning my Master’s degree. I have worked hard the last two semesters to get to this point.

Life is good. I have been thinking of how far I have come over the past four years. It has been a long road. Some parts of it have been very rough, but it has been well well worth the traveling of it.

Are you on a rough patch of road right now? Keep going on. It will get better if you don’t give up. Get some help somewhere. No one can fight mental illness on their own. That leads to death many times. Find some help to lead the way to recovery.

Life can be good again. And it is worth the effort it takes to recover. One day at a time.

Try it.

Setting Goals

I spoke last weekend at the District Toastmasters Conference in Idaho. I was an educational presenter. I spoke about setting goals in life.

The presentation went real well. The comments were positive. The one thing that most didn’t like was that it was too short. I had too much information to cram into 45 minutes.

It felt good being up there giving the presentation. It was hard to believe that I was presenting at a Toastmaster’s Conference after being in Toastmasters only a year. Several wanted me back next year. I am working on something for next time.

This is what recovery can give you. Doing things like giving speeches on goal setting. Being involved in Toastmasters. I knew I wanted to speak professionally. But I had a lot of fear. I joined Toastmasters to get rid of that fear.

Now I speak in front of people of different crowds without even thinking of it. I don’t have the fear any longer. I even get paid occasionally to speak. That is a nice thing about it.

We all need to set goals in life. Without goals, we just drift through the days. When we reach our golden years, what will we look back on? Days of nothing? Or days of accomplishment? You decide.

Set a goal of recovery for yourself. Then start with other goals as you slowly get better. You will be amazed at the amount of happiness and purpose you find in your days.

God wants us to be good stewards of our time. We will be held accountable one day on what we did. Let’s fill our days with purpose today. One day at a time.

Try it.

The Wreckages of the past

This past spring break we drove to TX from Northern ID to see my mother. She is in bad health. I went to say my goodbyes to her. She has dementia.

It was really heartbreaking seeing her in that state of mind. She has no peace of mind. She is filled with regret over the past. I kept trying to get through to her that all had been forgiven and everything is ok. She had asked Christ for forgiveness, but she hadn’t forgiven herself. So therefore, there was no peace of mind.

After we left, I was talking to my boyfriend about the situation. I am so glad for the 12 Step Program I am in. In it, I have dealt with the wreckage of my past. I have made amends.

I know that as long as I continue to work my program, I will not get to the point in my old age where I will be filled with regrets. I take care of things as they happen. It is the best way to live, I promise you.

We talked of the choice that, knowing what we know now, would we go back and change anything. I wouldn’t. Because it would change where I am now.

I have a wonderful life where I am at right now. I am happy in my life. I would do nothing to chance losing that. God has blessed me immensely in my recovery the past few years.

Do you have regrets clouding your mind? Don’t let time pass before taking care of them now. Do you have amends you need to make? Go to your Higher Power right now and ask what you need to do in order to deal with them in the best way.

Don’t wait until you are in your elder years filled with regrets and mental anguish. It is a terrible way to be. You will want peace in your senior years. You want your last days on earth to be peaceful.

 Do the work now to ensure that they will be.

Don’t put it off. Do it now.

God’s Perfect Timing

I have to share with you what happened this past Thursday. I made a terrible grade on my math test, the worse I had ever made. I was very upset. After talking to the teacher about it, I found out my mistake.

After leaving, I almost didn’t go to my sign lesson with this Deaf Pastor, but decided to go anyways since my sessions with him were ending soon. I wanted to take advantage of every lesson I could.

He arrived at his home just as I got at the door. This was God’s perfect timing. For the lesson this day, he had me sign to him this devotion which he chose. It was on giving thanks in all things. I couldn’t believe what he had chosen.

Then he goes on to talk to me that there are no accidents in God’s world. That all things work to the good of those who love the Lord. He said several other things. I was floored.

I only stayed for 15 min before I had to head back for my next class. I got in the car and said “Ok God, I get the message. Thank You.”

What really amazed me was that God had this message of encouragement already prepared for me ahead of time, even before I needed it. It reminded me of my favorite Bible verse, Isa 65:24 “Before they call, I will answer, yet while they speak, I will hear.”

God has the answer on the way even before we ask. We still need to do the asking for our own faith building. God is personal enough to care about bad math scores in your life. He is there.

Then today he sends someone else to tell me someone else I needed to hear about providing for my needs. I just need to turn it over to Him and leave it alone. He will provide in His timing. It was a lesson in faith.

Things have been very stressful lately with my mother dying and school pressures. I have been working very hard on my recovery. I couldn’t do the things I do without God in my life on a very personal, daily way. I know He is the way to recovery and new life in whatever road you walk.

Acceptance

Acceptance is a biggie in my life. It is what keeps me going in my recovery – both mentally and in my recovery from alcoholism. I have to accept what life throws at me or I will end up relapsing.

I found out yesterday morning that my mother was put in the nursing home Monday morning, then put in the hospital from there. She is not doing well.

Back around the holidays she had been very sick. We didn’t know if she would make it through the holidays, but then she started ralleying after being put on thyroid medication. Now she has taken another turn for the worse again. This time, I think it will be the last one.

I live 2500 miles from my mother. The last time I saw her was for about 10 minutes at my daughter’s wedding. I was stuck outside for over 1 1/2 hrs taking pictures while my mother ate, then left to go home. I was a little upset that I didn’t get to visit with her. I rarely get to go to Texas because of the expense of travel.

But I had to let it go.

Now this… I call her frequently. I always let her know I love her. Always.

We have not always had a great relationship. But God blessed us in restoring our relationship during the last 25 yrs. I have enjoyed a wonderful time getting to know my mother again as an adult. She made some mistakes. I forgave. We started over. No one is perfect.

Now my mother is dying. That is hard to face. But we almost lost her 12 years ago before my son was born. So we had 12 extra years that we didn’t plan on. I am thankful for that. My son got to know his granny.

I know that I will be able to handle this as another step in my recovery. I handled my friend dying. I will handle this. This is just harder. Except we know this is happening. Death is never easy.

We are planning on going down to see her on spring break. I hope she makes it that long. This is one time that I really hate the restraints that school puts on your time.

I am sure that others have gone through this. What have you done in handling the death of a parent or loved one?

Co-occurring Diagnosis

I thought I would talk about co-occurring diagnosis today. I have been researching the topic in one of my psychology classes. The statistics are very high for the co-morbidity of mental illness and addiction such as alcoholism or drug addiction.

According to NAMI information, the statistics are as high as 50%. Some of the research I have read puts it up higher for some mental illness disorders.

The stigma for alcoholism and/or drug addiction isn’t very bad these days. There are a lot of famous people who talk openly about their addiction. Betty Ford made it very acceptable with her clinics. Going to “treatment” became cliche almost in society for a drinking or drug problem. The judicial system are sending many people into treatment for DUIs all the time.

Then you have mental illness. The stigma for mental illness is not accepted. It isn’t ok to be mentally ill despite the high numbers. The numbers point out that you are more likely to be mentally ill than to be an alcoholic or drug addict. Yet it isn’t accepted.

That is a shame that society is so down on people with brain disorders.

Then we have the statistics that are for people who are dually addicted with both mental illness and substance abuse.

How do those people fare?

Not very well if they don’t get help for both their problems at the same time. If they don’t treat both disorders in tandem, then their recovery isn’t likely to last very long or be very successful.

Fortunately, times are changing and help is coming to those who are dually addicted. If you or a loved one is dually addicted, search for help. Don’t let the stigma of mental illness stop you from getting help for both the mental illness and the substance abuse.

I am dually addicted. I am fortunate enough to treat both my problems at the same time. It is the only way I have been able to successfully recover.

I have a wonderful future ahead of me because of the tandem treatment and the grace of God. I did it one day at a time.

You can too.

Try it.