Confronting the Past

I read an email from this list I am on this week about a lady who wanted to confront her abuser. She had been told to keep quiet from her mother. No one wanted the dirty laundry aired. The lady wanted to move on in her recovery.

I told her she needed to say something so she could put the past to rest and stop being the victim. She could take her power back from her abuser. I had confronted my abuser and he denied what he had done was wrong. I found out family members knew and did nothing. That caused a lot of feelings in me that took a while to deal with.

Thanks to God and a great counselor I have moved past that. I have put my abuse in the past. I am no longer a victim.

I did contront my abuser. I told him it was wrong what he had done.

If you have an abuser in your life, if you are ready to move on to healing, you too can confront them.  Be sure you are in a safe place. Be sure there is no chance of violence. Do no accuse. Just say something like…” I remember you doing this ______. I felt ________. I am working on my recovery to get past the pain of what was done to me. I am no longer your victim.”

At all times, you need to make sure you are safe from further harm. Make sure you are not going to hurt yourself either by bringing up past memories. Be sure to talk to a counselor, pastor, or a close friend afterwards. Journaling will also help.

If you have been abused by someone, you can move past the pain that has given you. I know the devistation that leaves in your life. I lived it for many years. It almost destroyed me.

You can overcome it too, one day at a time through recovery. Life can be good again. I am living proof of it.

Try it.

An ending and a beginning

I finished my second semester of psychology classes this week. I was so glad. Taking 17 hours was a heavy load. I will not do that again. Today I filled out the application for Capella University where I will finish my Master’s degree online.

I am so excited. To finally be working on my dream of earning my Master’s degree. I have worked hard the last two semesters to get to this point.

Life is good. I have been thinking of how far I have come over the past four years. It has been a long road. Some parts of it have been very rough, but it has been well well worth the traveling of it.

Are you on a rough patch of road right now? Keep going on. It will get better if you don’t give up. Get some help somewhere. No one can fight mental illness on their own. That leads to death many times. Find some help to lead the way to recovery.

Life can be good again. And it is worth the effort it takes to recover. One day at a time.

Try it.

Setting Goals

I spoke last weekend at the District Toastmasters Conference in Idaho. I was an educational presenter. I spoke about setting goals in life.

The presentation went real well. The comments were positive. The one thing that most didn’t like was that it was too short. I had too much information to cram into 45 minutes.

It felt good being up there giving the presentation. It was hard to believe that I was presenting at a Toastmaster’s Conference after being in Toastmasters only a year. Several wanted me back next year. I am working on something for next time.

This is what recovery can give you. Doing things like giving speeches on goal setting. Being involved in Toastmasters. I knew I wanted to speak professionally. But I had a lot of fear. I joined Toastmasters to get rid of that fear.

Now I speak in front of people of different crowds without even thinking of it. I don’t have the fear any longer. I even get paid occasionally to speak. That is a nice thing about it.

We all need to set goals in life. Without goals, we just drift through the days. When we reach our golden years, what will we look back on? Days of nothing? Or days of accomplishment? You decide.

Set a goal of recovery for yourself. Then start with other goals as you slowly get better. You will be amazed at the amount of happiness and purpose you find in your days.

God wants us to be good stewards of our time. We will be held accountable one day on what we did. Let’s fill our days with purpose today. One day at a time.

Try it.

The Wreckages of the past

This past spring break we drove to TX from Northern ID to see my mother. She is in bad health. I went to say my goodbyes to her. She has dementia.

It was really heartbreaking seeing her in that state of mind. She has no peace of mind. She is filled with regret over the past. I kept trying to get through to her that all had been forgiven and everything is ok. She had asked Christ for forgiveness, but she hadn’t forgiven herself. So therefore, there was no peace of mind.

After we left, I was talking to my boyfriend about the situation. I am so glad for the 12 Step Program I am in. In it, I have dealt with the wreckage of my past. I have made amends.

I know that as long as I continue to work my program, I will not get to the point in my old age where I will be filled with regrets. I take care of things as they happen. It is the best way to live, I promise you.

We talked of the choice that, knowing what we know now, would we go back and change anything. I wouldn’t. Because it would change where I am now.

I have a wonderful life where I am at right now. I am happy in my life. I would do nothing to chance losing that. God has blessed me immensely in my recovery the past few years.

Do you have regrets clouding your mind? Don’t let time pass before taking care of them now. Do you have amends you need to make? Go to your Higher Power right now and ask what you need to do in order to deal with them in the best way.

Don’t wait until you are in your elder years filled with regrets and mental anguish. It is a terrible way to be. You will want peace in your senior years. You want your last days on earth to be peaceful.

 Do the work now to ensure that they will be.

Don’t put it off. Do it now.

God’s Perfect Timing

I have to share with you what happened this past Thursday. I made a terrible grade on my math test, the worse I had ever made. I was very upset. After talking to the teacher about it, I found out my mistake.

After leaving, I almost didn’t go to my sign lesson with this Deaf Pastor, but decided to go anyways since my sessions with him were ending soon. I wanted to take advantage of every lesson I could.

He arrived at his home just as I got at the door. This was God’s perfect timing. For the lesson this day, he had me sign to him this devotion which he chose. It was on giving thanks in all things. I couldn’t believe what he had chosen.

Then he goes on to talk to me that there are no accidents in God’s world. That all things work to the good of those who love the Lord. He said several other things. I was floored.

I only stayed for 15 min before I had to head back for my next class. I got in the car and said “Ok God, I get the message. Thank You.”

What really amazed me was that God had this message of encouragement already prepared for me ahead of time, even before I needed it. It reminded me of my favorite Bible verse, Isa 65:24 “Before they call, I will answer, yet while they speak, I will hear.”

God has the answer on the way even before we ask. We still need to do the asking for our own faith building. God is personal enough to care about bad math scores in your life. He is there.

Then today he sends someone else to tell me someone else I needed to hear about providing for my needs. I just need to turn it over to Him and leave it alone. He will provide in His timing. It was a lesson in faith.

Things have been very stressful lately with my mother dying and school pressures. I have been working very hard on my recovery. I couldn’t do the things I do without God in my life on a very personal, daily way. I know He is the way to recovery and new life in whatever road you walk.

Acceptance

Acceptance is a biggie in my life. It is what keeps me going in my recovery – both mentally and in my recovery from alcoholism. I have to accept what life throws at me or I will end up relapsing.

I found out yesterday morning that my mother was put in the nursing home Monday morning, then put in the hospital from there. She is not doing well.

Back around the holidays she had been very sick. We didn’t know if she would make it through the holidays, but then she started ralleying after being put on thyroid medication. Now she has taken another turn for the worse again. This time, I think it will be the last one.

I live 2500 miles from my mother. The last time I saw her was for about 10 minutes at my daughter’s wedding. I was stuck outside for over 1 1/2 hrs taking pictures while my mother ate, then left to go home. I was a little upset that I didn’t get to visit with her. I rarely get to go to Texas because of the expense of travel.

But I had to let it go.

Now this… I call her frequently. I always let her know I love her. Always.

We have not always had a great relationship. But God blessed us in restoring our relationship during the last 25 yrs. I have enjoyed a wonderful time getting to know my mother again as an adult. She made some mistakes. I forgave. We started over. No one is perfect.

Now my mother is dying. That is hard to face. But we almost lost her 12 years ago before my son was born. So we had 12 extra years that we didn’t plan on. I am thankful for that. My son got to know his granny.

I know that I will be able to handle this as another step in my recovery. I handled my friend dying. I will handle this. This is just harder. Except we know this is happening. Death is never easy.

We are planning on going down to see her on spring break. I hope she makes it that long. This is one time that I really hate the restraints that school puts on your time.

I am sure that others have gone through this. What have you done in handling the death of a parent or loved one?

Co-occurring Diagnosis

I thought I would talk about co-occurring diagnosis today. I have been researching the topic in one of my psychology classes. The statistics are very high for the co-morbidity of mental illness and addiction such as alcoholism or drug addiction.

According to NAMI information, the statistics are as high as 50%. Some of the research I have read puts it up higher for some mental illness disorders.

The stigma for alcoholism and/or drug addiction isn’t very bad these days. There are a lot of famous people who talk openly about their addiction. Betty Ford made it very acceptable with her clinics. Going to “treatment” became cliche almost in society for a drinking or drug problem. The judicial system are sending many people into treatment for DUIs all the time.

Then you have mental illness. The stigma for mental illness is not accepted. It isn’t ok to be mentally ill despite the high numbers. The numbers point out that you are more likely to be mentally ill than to be an alcoholic or drug addict. Yet it isn’t accepted.

That is a shame that society is so down on people with brain disorders.

Then we have the statistics that are for people who are dually addicted with both mental illness and substance abuse.

How do those people fare?

Not very well if they don’t get help for both their problems at the same time. If they don’t treat both disorders in tandem, then their recovery isn’t likely to last very long or be very successful.

Fortunately, times are changing and help is coming to those who are dually addicted. If you or a loved one is dually addicted, search for help. Don’t let the stigma of mental illness stop you from getting help for both the mental illness and the substance abuse.

I am dually addicted. I am fortunate enough to treat both my problems at the same time. It is the only way I have been able to successfully recover.

I have a wonderful future ahead of me because of the tandem treatment and the grace of God. I did it one day at a time.

You can too.

Try it.

New Speaking Opportunity

I talked to the Chief Judge of the Speech Contest I particpated in a couple of weeks ago. I told you that I spoke about self-injuring. She is an extremely accomplished speaker. She gave me some suggestions for going to Area this next weekend.

She said my speech gave her chills and blew her away. Another friend said I helped her understand her son. Another friend said it was the most powerful speech she had heard. She is a psychiatric nurse.

I am so excited about the chance to get the word out about self-injuring to more people. I think of this as a gift from God. I am going to be practicing every minute I can spare this week so I can do my best this coming weekend. I want to win so I can go on to District and spread the word there. Wouldn’t that be great.

The more people hear the word, the more people can get help. That is the purpose behind everything I do for mental health. To get help for those still suffering from mental illness. There are so many out there.

I talked to the Judge about my desire to speak to area groups. She said I could do a good job. I earned my Competent Communicator from Toastmasters this last week. It was so exciting. It took me a lot of hard work, but I did it – in one year. I will earn my Competent Leadership Award by June.

All of this I am doing as a result of my recovery of mental illness. I couldn’t have done it before. I used to be so scared of being in a room of strangers. I would have a panic attack. Now, I can confront hundreds without blinking an eye. It didn’t happen at once. It wasn’t easy. But it was worth it.

One day at a time. You can do it too.

New Blog on Mental Health

I found a relatively new blog on mental health. It is found at

http://www.uglypin.blogspot.com:80/ Go check it out. She is out to spread the awareness of the stigma and fight it. She has a newsletter you can sign up for and a pin you can get a wear.

We all need to do our part in breaking the stigma on mental illness. I support Mary totally in her work. She works in the Cape Cod area. She is on the opposite side of the country from me.  We met online on a list. She has some good things to say.

So pop over to her blog and check her out. Tell her MaryRuth sent you.

take care,

Self-injuring- getting the word out

Wednesday I gave a speech on self-injuring for Toastmasters. The difference for this speech is that it was for an International Contest. I had practiced a few times by reading it through. I hadn’t practiced as much as I normally do. It was a heavy topic for me as my friend has recently died from self-injuring. I wanted to get the owrd out on how to stop.

I did well. So much emotion came welling up inside of me as I started to talk. I did not feel like crying at all. I just felt this passion to tell people the dangers of SI. I gave my best delivery I think that I hve ever done.

I ended up winning the contest. Now I go on to Area on Feb 21. What that means to me is that more people will hear the message of self-injuring and how to stop the terrible behavior. It is good. Whether I win or not is not the main point. The main point is spreading the news that there is hope to stop the addiction of SI.

The last speech contest I was in I won also, then was disqualified by three seconds. That was a crushing blow as I did really want to win. This time, I wanted the message out and ended up winning.

Anyways, I am glad that something good came out of something bad.